Pandemonium Ensues

Best Of Times
Through The Net
Product
Slaughtered Artist
Still
Relentless Pursuit
Interest & Love
Melancholy Emotion
She Makes Me
Happy Disposition
Black Sheep
Beachland Ballroom
Little Ships
Too Close To The Sun

Transatlantic Ping Pong

Untouchable
Lost In Space
Neptune
Hostage
Hot Shaved Asian Teens
Ray & Me
Reinventing The Wheel
Domestic Distortion
Genitalia Of A Fool
Where I can Be Your Friend
There For Her
One For The Road

The Incomplete Glenn Tilbrook

This Is Where You Ain't
Observatory
Parallel World
Morning
One Dark Moment
G.S.O.H.Essential
Up The Creek
Other World
Interviewing Randy Newman
You See Me
I Won't See You
We Went Thataway
By The Light Of The Cash Machine 'B' side of Parallel World
Sunday Breakfast Treat 'B' side of This Is Where You Ain't

BEST OF TIMES

It was early in the morning you were laying on the floor
The person that I love most dearly
Our baby wasn’t meant to come for six weeks more
But the best laid plans can go wrong clearly
I called the ambulance and offered you some tea, you laughed
I’m trying to pack your bag and proving that I’m not the better half

What you wanted was what I’d withheld for so long
You supported me when my heart was broken
Our differences resolved but something may be wrong
But the fear that haunts us is unspoken
Between the two of us we can appraise the facts and decide
Was I a tower of strength or tagging along for the ride? 

Once upon a time some people
Thought that we would soon be done
Well I wish them and I hope they’re having fun

The next generation’s waiting they are banging on the door
Growing up is such a mountain to climb
We’ve got two boys and my earlier two make four
And they'll all get a go in their own time

When I disappear
And old memories chime
My love will be clear
And our dreams aligned
With everything we’ve been through we’ve had the best of times

We’ve had the best of times

THROUGH THE NET

The Judge looked tired he’d heard enough
The police had found her sleeping rough
Wanted for a previous assault
For which she’d not turned up in court
She sat there slouched and pale
His only option to refuse bail
She’s only young but you wouldn’t bet
Against her slipping through the net

Fee fi fo fum when the morning comes it comes and
You can’t hide and you can’t run
Cause it's another day

He never went outside alone
As he was always chaperoned
From party bags to public school
He slowly learnt to bend the rules
His teenage hormones couldn’t take
His parents stifling embrace
A better background you won’t get
But he’s still slipping through the net

Fee fi fo fum when the morning comes it comes and
You can’t hide nor can you run
Cause it's another day

Her parents were acquainted, yes
With the social services
They loved their kids and couldn’t see
They lived their lives chaotically
The youngest girl has surged ahead
She loves to read and fill her head
You just watch her one day I’ll bet
She’ll slip the right way through the net

Fee fi fo fum when the morning comes it comes and
You can’t hide nor can you run
Or look the other way
Nature, nurture, may bless or curse you
Give you love or inflict hurt
Captain Pugwash, Captain Kirk
Sensible or just plain berserk
Here comes another day

PRODUCT

I always had control
No one created me
I met a Man who could
Sell you a fantasy

If you looked like I did
You would have done the same
My eyes were open wide
Soon you would know my name

I could melt you with my beauty
But I really didn’t care
Adoration never touched me
It was a one way love affair

At the front of the queue
Everything was divine
What I did wouldn't you?
And my life is still mine

I thought I had control
An illusion I now see
The product being shaped
I recognized was Me

SLAUGHTERED ARTIST

Slack jawed knock kneed straight on, full speed
Chomp at the bit, they so want it
Want you to feel no fake for real
Honest self-made righteous crusade

Hotel suites too far from the streets
And you're yellow now from as white as a sheet
And your habits replaced an occasional treat
So where’s it gonna go
Crystal clear is now turning oblique
And the vultures come when they sense that you're weak
And the pursestrings open when somebody speaks
And all this you must know
So where’s it gonna go?

Model romance media wet pants
Drama east end total godsend
Door-step press stay day after day
Smacked or caressed self served interest

Word soon travel he unravel
Time to address tortured artist
Slack act all wrong new band shit songs
A waste of time yours his and mine

STILL

Could it be a twist of fate or was it written
In tea leaves or maybe stars that we'd both be smitten
I couldn't help myself but think you were fantastic
self sufficient, organised and enthusiastic
I followed every line of inquiry
Windows would appear in my diary
If there was a chance of seeing you

Building up not whittling down a total charmer
We're together and it's right no chaos or drama
Just one look at you can send my spirit soaring
Me and Mrs Malaprop present and adoring
We can laugh at most things we're facing
I'm so happy that we're embracing
This spark that exists between us still
Still ….

I know you love me, other times can't stand me
Want to punch my lights out
Though sometimes I'm handy
I spit the dummy and sometimes bicker
But you make my pulse go much quicker
It's not over the top to say I'm thrilled
Still ….

RELENTLESS PURSUIT

I’m having a bash with a guest list of one
Relentless pursuit that used to be fun
Where did it all start? How did it begin?
Relentless pursuit that’s done my nut in
I spend too much time tip toeing around
I'm standing on shaky ground
My bank of goodwill's dangerously low
No one else made it so

You have what they call the magic touch
Turning water into wine
You got high on our love and trust
and it's only a matter of time

Hello! Hello! Look who's back again
Relentless pursuit my dearest old friend
Tons of ideas but none of them sound
Relentless pursuit a grail never found
If I shake the tree will it fall on me?
How will I know the score?
What have we got here a pleasure turned
into another chore

No messing around with boom or bust
It's all bitten the dust

Everyone's doing fine

And it's only a matter of time

INTEREST & LOVE

If there was someone in he would be way too embarrassed to see his own face
But he’s got no shame and the kids that he took on soon just got in the way
He had had some dreams but ambition always outstripped his ability
Then the penny dropped he was stuck right in the job he’d tried so hard to leave

It gets you right here, interest and love
Some understanding it's simple enough,
You can’t contradict, he’ll sulk and he’ll fight
The king of fuck all is always uptight

Soon the template changed, and the bitterness and disappointment filtered in
He could rule the roost with his sarcasm and old-fashioned discipline
So when trouble flared there were times when he had not been in control of himself
It’s in his nature to pour petrol on a fire and blame someone else

It gets you right here, interest and love
Some understanding it's simple enough,
You can’t contradict, he’ll sulk and he’ll fight
The king of fuck all is always uptight

All bow down to the king of fuck all he rules on a whim
He thought that he was pretty smart but sadly is just dim He's at the cutting edge of dull it's there on his C.V. Opens a beer, scratches his arse and shouts at the T.V.

It gets you right here, interest and love
Some understanding it's simple enough,
The king of fuck all is always uptight
Somebody please turn off the light

MELANCHOLY EMOTION

Thinking about whatever I’ve got
I’m still around and plenty are not
I tighten my belt as the plane takes off
Melancholy emotion

The city below, I already miss
The choice for my meal is nothing I’d wish
A glass of red wine to go with my dish
Melancholy emotion

I’m on a white horse clippety clop
I’m being pursued my heads for the chop
I don’t understand I wish it would stop
Melancholy emotion

I woke with a start and then suddenly
What happened to you came back to me
You had been drinking
And fell in to the river
Straight to the bottom

Forgiven now by those you deceived
You had no shame for lines you had thieved
We all laughed then but now we all grieve
Melancholy emotion

No looking back just keep moving on
Dear in our hearts although you have gone
I’m saying goodbye and I want to prolong
Melancholy emotion

SHE MAKES ME

I met her in New York City
She was quirky, old and pretty
Tanned skin and a smile that made me feel special
I fell for her straight away
Things went well till the second day
But I still believed that she was the one for me

We decided to go on a road trip
I had no idea she was sick
I held her hand but we had to slow down yeah

Now every time I see her
She makes me breakdown
She makes me breakdown
Down on my knees beggin’ baby please
Don’t make me breakdown

Rolled to a stop in a shopping centre
Maybe to be we weren't meant to
When she got wind of that she dug her heels in

Then a bearded man in a pick up
Said you look like you're out of luck
He could help us out of the trouble we're in yeah

Now every time I see her
She makes me breakdown
She makes me breakdown
Down on my knees beggin’ baby please
Don’t make me breakdown

The State Police were waiting at the border
It seems the devil really lives in Georgia

She became a movie star
Retired after a breakdown too far
To a quiet home in Raleigh Durham

Don’t make me break down

HAPPY DISPOSITION

I can’t swim like the man from Atlantis
And my cooking sometimes you abuse
In our snapshot of time circumstances
We’re together once in a Blue Moon

In a national park in Queensland Australia
Driving slowly in low gear
Find a shady spot by the lake and
For a couple of weeks our home is here

Pitch our tents, chairs, cooker and tables
In the darkness we all feast our eyes
On the Southern Cross and Milky Way
In the cinerama of the skies

Three months later, we’re back in London
We’re just at home the other side of the world
Though it’s winter now, and it’s drizzly
It’s so good to be here with my boys and girl

As the quality time clock keeps ticking
With no knowledge of the day to day
Under the same roof all together
But tomorrow we go separate ways

There are no lights to sully the sky
I run out of things to do
In our house tonight
We’re together me and you

I run out of things to do

BLACK SHEEP

Out into the pasture I wander
But I won’t, I won’t get any sleep
I I I I just stand around and ponder
My life, my life as the baa baa ba baa baa
Black sheep, baa baa ba baa baa
Black sheep, baa baa ba baa baa

Sometimes I get frightened of rejection
And I cut myself but not too deep
I watch my blood & I give myself full attention
And my life recedes as the baa baa ba baa baa
Black sheep, baa baa ba baa baa
Black sheep, baa baa ba baa baa

I loved the sunshine yesterday
I love the sun and how my troubles seem ok
(I love the sun) but here I stand on feet of clay
I love the sun, now it’s my choice to be that way
It seems the sunshine's gone today

BEACHLAND BALLROOM

It’s such a no brainer when I have to choose
The Beachland Ballroom or the house of who’s?
When Mark’s on the decks and Cindy’s in the room
You’ll be as animated as a loony ‘toon
Who could be bothered with the road to Mandalay?
Now it’s time to dress up and go out to play

If you wind up in Cleveland wanting something to do
In the Beachland Ballroom
Beachland Ballroom
Beachland Ballroom fun’s absolute

Theme park Rock & Roll would love to close them down
Their big buck competition opened up in town
Mark & Cindy’s answer to the corporate suits
A funky music lovers club with local roots
A few years ago we arrived late for a gig
Our bus had broken down & I was
sweating like a pig
The audience came out & helped us carry in our stuff
That’s the kind of thing about the
Beachland that I love

Big guys block the Sun
And throw Weight around
So it’s hard to reach the Gold
At the end of the rainbow

Bands & DJ’s playing both of the rooms
Jukeboxes blasting out some killer vinyl tunes

In the Beachland Ballroom
The Beachland Ballroom
The Beachland Ballroom
They’re  giving it away it’s so free!

In the Beachland Ballroom
The Beachland Ballroom
The Beachland Ballroom
Things are looking up
They’re not dumbing down

LITTLE SHIPS

Little ships sailing away, your sextant set for the sun
I’ve tried my best to show you how life can be cruel and fun
You will soon un-tether yourselves and then quietly slip from my grasp
I have loved you from your first breath and always will till my last

Little ships sailing away, into new unchartered waters
You may meet with little Bo Peep or Captain Birds Eyes daughter
Anything can happen to you I will always hear what you say
Now it’s up to you to decide between what’s bad and what’s OK

Scupper, boson, any port in a storm
And the home fires still burning and warm
And your rations are caviar or quorn
Whoever you’re attracted to it’s your choice and it’s OK
On a solo life adventure

Little ships sailing away to a hopeful happy ending
I know from time to time it’s our money you’ll be spending
But I never counted the cost
Though I’m happy I’m slightly lost
It’s another bridge I’ll cross
Saying goodbye my little ships, goodbye my little ships

Then Incomplete Glenn Tilbrook

This Is Where You Ain't
(Tilbrook)

Sitting alone with time to reflect
On all that's come to pass
If anyone had told me how it would end up
I think I would have laughed
But the moments that we shared have stayed
It's a challenge to know how to feel
But the end results the same
As this is now the deal

This is where we had some fun
And this is where we played
And now the fact I have to face
Is that this is where you ain't
This is where you slept at night
This is where we ate
These everyday things have stopped now because
This is where you ain't

When you were leaving the way you held me
Told me all I needed to know
We both feel the same way about saying goodbye
It's crap and then you go
But the ghosts of you are all around
And I like them being here with me
And until the next time
I'll be seeing you in my dreams

This is where we had some fun
And this is where we played
And now the fact I have to face
Is that this is where you ain't
This is where you slept at night
This is where we ate
These everyday things have stopped now because
This is where you ain't

And I know in my heart
that I've got to let go
And I want to stop this feeling but I can't say no
And I dream that you're with me and it just isn't so
I'm a long way from happy you're a long way from home
You're a long way from home

She was married to someone else
I was lonely and lived by myself
Maybe that's just a fight that you can't win
So we met and we started the clock
Did that help? No it did not
I suppose I knew that going in
And now watch as the broken hearts begin

But at least we were calm
On the road to the big observatory
Where the planets were hung
And the stars swung around
The second story
And we stumbled upon
A room where a luminous moon was waning
And I knew I was gone
But at least we were calm

Fun is fun but when push comes to shove
When it's done we deny it was love
And we say, what were we thinking of?
And the room where we looked at the sky
Will be there with it's telescope eye
Now I won't get to meet all your friends
As we go down the road of dead ends

But at least we were calm
On the road to the big observatory
Where the planets were hung
And the stars swung around
The second story
And we stumbled upon
A room where a luminous moon was waning
And I knew I was gone
But at least we were calm

She was married to someone else
I was lonely and lived by myself
Maybe that's just a battle you can't win

There's a shadow on my heart
And I don't enjoy the time we spend apart
I'm not sure where you are
Dishes pile up in the sink
I'm not giving myself time or space to think
I wish I was living in

A parallel world where time is gently rolling by
Everyone sees eye to eye
We're not leading separate lives

We're not even getting near
There are hills to climb but no one's changing gear
Can we move on from here?
With a lack of blinding prose
I chew on my words but I think that you know
It's time we just let it go

To a parallel world where time is gently rolling by
Everyone sees eye to eye
We're not leading separate lives

So stop for a minute
I'm about to reach my limit
This is real and we're stuck with it
I'd take the chance if you'd give it
To reach a solution
A happier conclusion
How long can we go on
When none of this makes any sense at all

Thoughts like that whizz around my head
So I red card myself straight into bed
Sleep is a chance to dream

Of a parallel world where things always go just as planned
Happiness is gift wrapped and
Everyone knows where they stand

Of a parallel world where time is gently rolling by
Everyone sees eye to eye
We're not leading separate lives

So stop for a minute...

You should do what you want to, you want to

Tell yourself over and over
You've done the best you could
God made you good
My friend don't be afraid to speak out and
Tell him no you won't go
Down that road as you've been there before
And you know it's too far from home

You've been left feeling quite tender
Your heart's an empty space
It's a hard place
My friend don't be afraid to speak out and
Tell him no you won't go
Down that road as you've been there before
And you know it's too far from home

This has been dragging on for a long time
And the one that's seeing clearly is you
It's seems to me that you've come to a crossroads
And you know what you've got to do

When morning comes
You will feel better
And here is where you'll find
Some peace of mind
My friend don't be afraid to speak out and
Tell him no you won't go
Down that road as you've been there before
And you know it's too far from home
Too far from home

You should do what you want to, you want to
You should do what you want to, you want to

(Tilbrook)

You found yourself in a spot so low
It seemed there was nowhere else to go
I hope you're in a happier place
Where all the things that you couldn't say
Aren't worth saying
But I wish you could've said

Hands up I need help I'm in some trouble
I think I'm seeing clearly
But I know that I'm muddled
I don't know where to go
And I don't know which way to turn
It's turning out to be a mess
And I'm too old to learn

And I don't know where to look, I don't know how to heal
Everything that's happening just doesn't seem real
I've tried all I can perhaps it's not enough
I know it's been bad before but never this rough

Should I start again?
Now that would be hard
The hand I've been dealt
Is from a fixed pack of cards
Facing one direction
The fickle finger of pain
Always pointing at me
And I'm so ashamed

And I don't like who I am I don't like how I feel
I don't like where it's leading to, the whole thing's a bad deal
I've tried all I can perhaps that's not enough
I'm getting out of here if you don't like it

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
But for what it's worth
There'll be no blame soon
I'm going to leave
I'm leaving

Considering the experience I'm pushing out the boat
Calling every favour in to help keep it afloat
I don't know if it will sink or sail majestically
Whether you will buy a ticket or stow away for free

I know it's a new world
With exciting possibilities
Hooked up and downloaded
And it's loud and clear on MP3

Considering the experience remembering when I was ten
The Monkees weren't a real band but I still loved them
Now I flick on the remote and it's happening again
I suppose it's not such a big leap from them to S Club Seven

I know it's a changed world
And that these things are not meant for me
Now fame's the intention
You just have to really wanna be

I'm back again ready or not?
I know I've slung some hooks around these parts before
Should I dance around a lot?
If I did that you might show me the door

I know it's an odd world
Make it even now for me
Although I'm still barking
I don't think that's it up the wrong tree

Considering the experience there's not much to regret
Though I've picked up a few knocks the games not over yet
My heart is intact and here it is for you to see
And I won't give up at least not yet so don't give up on me

I know it's a tough world
I've just found another door
I'm running a small shop
In the age of the global superstore

I live in the real world
What d'ya think I'm laughing for?
I'm ready and waiting
You can take me now I'm yours

It was now the only place open late
Playing loud music in questionable taste
She asked me to dance and I said “OK”
I slipped into the groove and was doing great

We didn't say much I gurned and grinned
She looked so fresh and there was me tinned
I said to her tell me about you
She said I know more than you think I do

Memories may be beautiful and yet
There are some things that I'd rather forget
Singing along with everything from Chic to Abba
It's probably time for me to do the decent thing and get a cab
And blasting in my ears it's 'Dancing Queen'!
My co-ordination's fantastic
And I'm looking older than I feel

We danced for a while and though I'm chunky
It has never stopped me feeling funky
She mentioned someone from long ago
I said what a surprise do say Hello
And it put a stop to my dreams
With me and her and custard creams
Her friends were leaving, they say she should come
She said “I'll remember you to my Mum”

Memories may be beautiful and yet
There are some things that I'd rather forget
Singing along with everything from Abba to Chic
I think it's probably time that I left Up The Creek
But meanwhile blasting in my ears it's 'Dancing Queen'!
My co-ordination's fantastic
And I'm looking older than I feel

Blasting in my ears it’s 'Le Freak' say Chic
Ain't you got no homes to go to
As the lights go on at Up The Creek

We Went Thataway
(Tilbrook)

Monkeys dancing on a hot tin tray
A jaded palette with a fat lip
I think that we went thataway
We've given ourselves the slip
Taking it down yet another peg
Tightening our belts and girding our loins
So lets make an omelette of golden eggs
And you can toss some coins

Here's half a chance I must be off
Perhaps I should have gone some time ago
A long time ago and far away
I had a dream and still some pride
Along the way my head was turned
When the trickle became a tide

Monkeys dancing on a hot tin tray
A jaded palette with a fat lip
I think that we went thataway
We've given ourselves the slip
Taking it down yet another peg
Tightening our belts and girding our loins
So lets make an omelette of golden eggs
And you can toss some coins

I thought I deserved a little treat
You should see the looks that I get driving this!
It's not like me but I'm lost for words
I know I've deceived you endlessly
I tell everyone that we're good friends
But the truth is plain for you and me

Monkeys dancing on a hot tin tray
A jaded palette with a fat lip
I think that we went thataway
We've given ourselves the slip
Taking it down yet another peg
Tightening our belts and girding our loins
So lets make an omelette of golden eggs
And you can toss some coins

So this is over get the plot?
I cannot give what I haven't got
I've got in touch with the inner me
And the inner me says that I'm
Unhappy and should get shot of you

Monkeys dancing on a hot tin tray
A jaded palette with a fat lip
I think that we went thataway
We've given ourselves the slip
Taking it down yet another peg
Tightening our belts and girding our loins
So lets make an omelette of golden eggs
And you can toss some coins

Tonight is so lovely
And stars are twinkling bright
And they're almost as pretty
As this row of streetlights

With you everything is wonderful and new
I feel as I though I've never been used
Do you know what I mean?

So I kiss you by the light of the cash machine

With me everything is turning out to be
A kind of slapstick tragedy
Do you know what I mean?

So I kiss you by the light of the cash machine
As we walk through the wee hours I feel fine
In my thoughts are hoping
That before the stores open you'll be mine

'Cos with you I feel as though I've never been used
Everything is wonderful and new
Do you know what I mean?

So I kiss you by the light of the cash machine

Grate a half pound of cheddar
Transfer into a pot
With a spoonful of mustard
You may like mild, I prefer hot

Put in a splash of Tabasco
A tablespoon of Worcester sauce
A cup of stale beer
Plus pepper and salt
Mix it up and preparation's over
All you have to do now is heat
It's a proper Sunday Breakfast Treat

Put the pan on a low flame
Take care to stir all the time
Toast four slices of good bread
And when the Welsh Rarebit mixture's melted, combine

Top it off with sliced tomato
Serve it up with Earl Grey tea
Read the Sunday papers
Which you have bought previously
It's a perfect start to a Sunday
Lying in bed is hard to beat
Doing nothing much is such a treat

Now that that's finished and it's over
What on earth is left for us to do
I've had a great idea
Come here!

Untouchable

Heaven knows you've got to open up somehow
I can take it on the chin
There's nothing I can do if you won't let it out
And you won't let me in

You showed interest in me
When I was outside looking in
How is it you got to be?
So untouchable
So untouchable

You're your own worst enemy when you're like this
You know that is the truth
There's nothing I can do if you won't spare a thought
For anyone but you

Are you scared you won't return? If you cross the final line
With no bridges left to burn
You're untouchable
You're untouchable

You can rant and rave all day
And increasingly you do
You never used to be this way so what is it that's got to you?

I'm never going to know what this is all about
Till you start trusting me
Take this as a friendly shot across your bows
As you can talk to me

You are obviously fraught
I've said all that I can say
Now the ball is in your court
Whack it back or walk away
We can slowly drift apart
Intrigue only lasts so long
It's up to you to make a start
You're untouchable
You're untouchable

Lost In Space

An argument
She was bang out of order
Questioning your moods and behaviour
A perfect chance
For you to feign offence and
Walk out of the door and savour

Tonight you're doing it in style
Out of sorts and lost in space for a while

You disappear
Another call of nature
Your best friend wins again you can't hide it
Give me a sign
A flash of your old humour
The truth looks grim though you would deny it

You engineer with sweet things that you say
And you can pacify and put the hurt away
You're charming but you change from day to day
Anytime you decide you need to take a break

Neptune

With several years worth of air to clear
You tried it alone now the big idea
Is to see if we're in a similar dimension
You always talked a terrific game
But the results turned out just the same
So what's different now to get my attention?

Oh! here you come here you come now
Oh! where are you coming from now?
Uranus and I'm here in Neptune

Your folksy noodling has petered out
It didn't raise pulses or your bank account
An insomniac's dream it's best not to mention
You thanked me for turning out the light
Well thanks to you maybe you were right
So what's turned you around for this resurrection?

Oh! here you come here you come now
Oh! where are you coming from now?
Uranus and I'm here in Neptune

I got so tired of wondering
I couldn't distinguish the truth
And then I'd find myself wondering about you

Hostage

It's been a long time since the two of us were joined up as one
We had some good times for a few years we forgot to have fun
Though splitting up was never what either of us intended
Now that's all past we're big and brave enough to try and be friends
Dinner at your house

We sit around and have a drink, catch up on people we know
Although it's awkward I appreciate you having a go
After a while your partner ducks out for a smoke and then he says
I'm tired excuse me if I stretch out on the sofa to rest
Dinner at your house

You have a weary look on your face
As if you're not in the right place
Happy? You say so
I would guess not though
It gives no pleasure to see
You look just like a hostage to me

He's fast asleep the TV's droning on about something boring
You flinch when he shouts to be quiet and then returns to his snoring
You look embarrassed, whisper sorry as we clear away the dishes
A glimpse I wish I hadn't seen how your relationship is
Dinner at your house

You have a weary look on your face
As if you've ended up in the wrong place
Happy? You say so
I would guess not though
It gives no pleasure to see
You look just like a hostage to me

If he loses his temper
That easily
There's two good reasons
For me to worry

Hot Shaved Asian Teens

Christ on a bicycle fruit of the loom
Puffy white clouds with the face of Mitchell Froom
Cracked rib laughing gas the udder leaks white
I'm scared to go to sleep by the glowing red light

Six more sheep and I'll reach the top end
I'm falling down the stairs reaching for a friend
A six pack of shut eye full of kings and queens
Tonight I only dream of
Hot shaved Asian teens

Barking puppies floating on a river through the Zoo
I stuck a needle in my eye I've got the Japanese flu
Peaches and pears and rubbish on the floor
Clergymen are howling and knocking at my door

There's a devil in the belly of a giant black snake
I'm curled up on the floor by a rusty garden rake
The lady in my bathroom stretches and preens
Tonight I'll only dream of
Hot shaved Asian teens

Missionary foetal and positions with zest
Peeling back my eyelids putting best friends to the test
A spark will start a fire in my gas can of a heart
My creaky bones are rattling like a broken shopping cart

Your sleepy smile haunts me like a never-ending reel
My lungs are slowly tightening and growing hard as steel
The sky is upside down sprouting green green beans
Tonight I only dream of
Hot shaved Asian teens

Ray & Me

We'd play around on the bombsite at the bottom of our street
We could always find a way in through the rusty iron sheets
We'd stay as late as we could, till we were hungry
Life was such a great adventure and we were best friends, Ray & Me

Ray lived with his big sister and his mum who was so kind
His father smoked like a chimney & his brother would lose his mind
If we touched his records or found his magazines
We had but we weren't that bothered, we were too young, Ray & Me

My Mum was scared of her shadow but she always did love me
My brother had married early after Dad left finally
We'd get the bus to Woolwich, to buy our food each week
It was always more appealing playing outside, Ray & Me

The dusk unwound into darkness & we sat outside & dreamt
In big theatrical whispers what we thought that it all meant
We talked about the future, how growing up would be
We were doubled up in laughter imagining ourselves, Ray & Me

Ray's home was bought by the council & the bombsite cleared away
Now through the heart of my childhood is a six lane motorway
We would always be mates & take in turn each week
The journeys that became less frequent to each other, Ray & Me

I did a gig in east London that Ray came along see
He gave me his telephone number which I lost, which is just like me

Reinventing The Wheel

Avoiding unwanted social contact
I've got a friend always there for me
An ideal partner when I'm on a work break
Just like a sailor alone on the sea

And I'm not reinventing the wheel
I just like the way that it makes me feel
We're together with missionary zeal
Every time

I never answer the door or the telephone
If I'm spending my time more fruitfully
I give the impression that I'm really busy
But here I am watching a DVD

Just me and my little friend
Cause he can see sunshine
When it's raining outside
He can see sunshine

I don't know how long it will take me today
A two-minute wonder or a three-act play

Domestic Distortion

Our ties have been broken I've pushed you aside somehow
We've lost some years but there's still right here and now

I'm scared to see you
Excited and confused
You plucked up the courage to say
I want to meet with you

I'm guilty and fearful but we begin to click
As we discover the things that make us tick

Checking our baggage
Sharing our points of view
It's time to grow up
And get to grips with you

Sliding from the shadows
Of our domestic distortion
Uncertainty has been the only thing I'm sure of
My feelings are elusive
Somewhere that I just will not go
Now we're on a journey where it ends I don't know

You say you've got a partner now and you have settled down
You've both had a little baby boy so I'm a granddad now

It's a bit of a shock & it's big news to me
I've got a problem with responsibility
The past is a closed book
Which I fucked up for you
And I'm really sorry that I didn't have a clue

I've love for you somewhere
But I can't guarantee
That our future will turn out any differently

The Genitalia of a Fool

Everybody's got a hobby
Everybody's got a schtick
Please consider me eccentric
Don't think of me as sick

Didn't mean to spoil your party
I didn't mean to be uncool
But I'm standing here holding
The genitalia of a fool

'Cause I thought if I exposed myself
You'd fall in love with me
But when I burst in
To my chagrin
You had company

I'm afraid I've shown your family
the wrong kind of family jewels
'Cause I'm standing here holding
the genitalia of a fool

Well I guess the show is over
so I'll just go on home
I'll pack my prize possession
it's the nicest thing I own

Didn't mean to scare the children
or make your grandma drool
but I'm standing here holding
the genitalia of a fool

And I pray that you'll forgive me and try to understand
But I'm afraid you'll always picture me
with my whole world in my hands
and I'll go through life
just wondering how fate could be so cruel
Left me standing here holding the genitalia of a fool

Now I wish that you were holding,
the genitalia of this fool

Where I Can Be Your Friend

As I walk through life
I learn to see, with every angle
Everything I missed, when I was young
And could not handle
Perhaps I was naïve
But I was different then
And now I'm at the age
Where I can be your friend

As I think it through
I write these words, and hope you read them
In the distant hope, that you reply
And you believe them
Who knows I may be wrong
This bridge I aim to mend
Will take me back to you
Where I can be your friend

Who knows what damage is done
these words might heal
The process has begun
And this love is real

If I own my past
As I think I do, I'll take this moment
To explain it now
And repair the heart that I must have broken
Perhaps I said some things
That didn't make much sense
Now I'm back on board
Where I can be your friend

There For Her

He's chasing castles made out of paper
She's losing 15 lbs a week
He runs away from any problems
She never asked for this disease

Who's there for her to care for her?
When she gets more than she can handle

She does what she can for the children
He does what he can for himself
Her life is filled with such confusion
He's doesn't care about his health

Who's there for her to care for her?
When she gets more than she can handle

He's lost his way to see through the darkness
Descending to the depths below
She runs for cover when he comes over
She wonders how low this can go

He moves into a friend's apartment
She finds the strength to carry on
For him his world is one big party
Which just leaves her there to be strong

Who's there for her to care for her?
When she gets more than she can handle

He's lost his way to see through the darkness
Descending to the depths below
She runs for cover when he comes over
She wonders how low this can go

One For The Road
(Instrumental)